The thing is, I don’t know. Do any of us really know what we’re doing?
All I know is, things need to get better and they will- in time.
We’re moving again! UGHHHHHHH. This place that we’re in was supposed to be our home for a while, but after living here for 3 months we’ve discovered there’s never any hot water and the power bill is insane and I refuse to live here any longer. Luckily I know a guy who rents amazing places and one of my fav units just came up for rental and we swooped it up in two days. Talk about the universe helping (thanks universe!) LOL
We give our 30 day notice tomorrow and start packing ASAP!
The place we are moving to is a dream. Screened patio, walking trail, our own driveway and large bedrooms! We couldn’t be any more excited.
Now on top of all of this we are also trying to conceive baby no.2 *yep, we’re crazy!*
We feel it’s time. Jax needs a sibling, I have baby fever and want a tiny little baby to cuddle and care for again and in the end we don’t feel comfortable having only 1 child. We are definitely looking forward to doing home pregnancy tests soon.
In regards to my weight loss- February has been hard I’m not going to lie. It is called the most depressing month of the year right?! LOL I’m happy to say I’m back at it though. Counting calories, being positive about the end goal. It’s hard but I have to keep at it.
That’s it for a life update, nothing too crazy. We actually live a very boring life HAHA boring is good right? I always said it shows stability and sanity. *Though I’m not sane at all* 😉 Are any of us actually sane? Doubt it.
Such a taboo topic that nobody seems to want to address. YES, you can be fat and have a successful, healthy pregnancy. * SHOCKING*
With risk of developing gestational diabetes and high blood pressure with any pregnancy, plus size women seem to be the target of peoples’ opinions that somehow because a scale says a big number you are now doomed to have thee worst pregnancy ever and you should just probably consider not having a kid at all. They’re wrong!
*Disclaimer* This is based on my experience as being a plus size woman. Any ignorance or rude comments will be deleted.
My whole life I was big. 200,300 and even 400 lbs. Through out my twenties I managed to lose 100lbs (yay me) ! I always worried about the day I wanted to have children and the dreaded doctor apts where they just focused on my fat and never would consider just being decent. I cringed at the thought of every minute people would judge me for being 300lbs and being pregnant. Would they even know I was pregnant? I’ll just look fatter? I won’t have the cute pregnant belly!
Fast forward to August 2014, there I was in a committed relationship with the love of my life- 5 days late! I knew I was pregnant before I took the test. We had been trying for less than a year, stopping birth control and spending every moment doing the deed. Sadly, the first few months were a fail and I would just beat myself up thinking ” UGH! its cuz you’re fat!”
Well, I was wrong- because in just under a year ( the normal grace period to conceive for the average woman) I was pregnant. Luckily we got to announce it on my Dad’s bday, I gave him the pregnancy test as a gift. (Side note- we finally stopped stressing over the baby making and it took one drunken night for this to happen)
Now came the doctor appointments! CRINGE.
I will first start out by saying do NOT settle for any doctor. It’s your body and you decide who gets to touch you and care for your child through these next 9 months.
My doctor is our family doctor, he literally has taken care of my Dad since he was a child, he delivered my niece,etc. Just a fantastic doctor! Not once did he say anything about my weight. Which by the way, when they first weighed me I was 296 lbs. I would visit him, go about the procedure of him asking me how I’m feeling, checking the stats on my urine and sending me off only to come see him once a month until my due date. I gained weight very slowly in the beginning as I was Vegetarian at the time and my food was healthy and full of nutrients. My ultra sounds went great and even the ladies there said that my baby was developing normal and healthy- not one remark about my weight.
During the nine months my weight was slow gaining, I had no high blood pressure, no swelling of the feet, no headaches and NO gestational diabetes. Now I’m sure my doctor was suprised right? ‘Cuz Fat= Unhealthy. Guess what? I was healthy. My baby was developing normal and I was in good shape.
I gained a total of 50lbs during my pregnancy and lost about 30 after.
Christmas time rolled around and so did the gender reveal:
Lets talk about the D Belly and the B Belly. BOTH ARE FINE! I was nervous as to which I would get but luckily:
BIGGEST BELLY EVER lol It was huge.
Fast forward to the labour and delivery: I was induced. I was overdue by one week and my doctor insisted I be induced to deliver baby while his head was still soft (he had a huge head) and to also lessen my chance of c-section. This was the only thing my doctor was against, c-sections. He was honest at this point because I am a bigger girl the healing would be far harder and I agreed and understood completely. I respect his medical opinions.
I was induced April 13th at 9am- Cervadil. Nothing happened, at 9pm my doctor told me to get some sleep and he’d do another round in the morning. Terrific I thought, get some sleep start again tomorrow. NOPE! By 10pm I was pacing in our room, with a feeling of having to go to the bathroom. Looking back now that should have been my heads up that labour was coming. This being my first child I was clueless. My fiance just sat there talking to me and asking if I was ok. He was nervous haha
That night was long and a blur- I remember 7am rolling around and me asking my fiance to text my Mum and ask her to come to the hospital. The next few hours I’m in the throws of labour, PAINFUL! I didn’t want an epidural but a few hours later I wanted one and the nurses told me I was too far past now to get one. They gave me various pain killers and because I don’t do medication I declined anymore as I hated the panic attacks it was giving me. Most of the day hours are a blur. I remember holding my Mum’s hand and just crying that I couldn’t do this. My doctor came to talk to me and I begged him for a c-section but he said that I could do this and he wouldn’t do one. Looking back now I still love him for saying no.
I remember going to the bathroom and I felt wet stuff running down my leg and there was blood and other stuff just everywhere- I guess at that point my water broke?! I honestly don’t remember. I just remember the nurse saying I was 6cm dilated and that they were going to take me to the labour room.
From there I remember kneeling on the bed and suddenly having the urge to push! The nurse gave me the go ahead and from there i dilated quickly and was in full delivery mode. More blurry moments of me and the gas , more pushing and bright lights in my face. I pushed for forever and because my baby’s head was so huge he did get stuck forcing my doctor to use the vacuum- just to the the rest of his head out and then his body followed.
The moment they throw your baby on top of you is something you will never forget. Even writing this I’m tearing up…it’s messy and strange but exciting. I was so out of it though after 27 hrs of labour I wanted to sleep.
My night wasn’t over yet…
I continued to bleed, and my doctor couldn’t stop it and had no clue where the blood was coming from. Talk about being violated, try having nurses literally plugging you up with towels while your legs are in the air. I didn’t get to hold my baby as they were scrambling to stop the bleeding. I was watching to my left as my Mum held him and he was so quiet and content. Looking back I can’t believe how calm I was, and not one worry. I knew things will be ok and I had no choice but to remain calm. They took me straight up to surgery where they had to stitch me internally- why, because my baby’s big head severed an artery! By 10:30pm that night I finally got to hold my baby boy Jaxon. It was beautiful!
Today he’s one and a half years old, healthy and so care free.
In closing I would like to say this- I had a very normal and boring pregnancy. With no scares or problems. I’m thankful! I beat the stigma of plus size women not being able to have healthy and successful pregnancies.The only problem I had was during delivery and not because of my weight! The nurses constantly would watch my blood pressure and oxygen and blood test after blood test probably stunned that this 300lb girl was totally healthy and fine AND JUST HAD A HEALTHY BABY! *Shocking* My healing process was long, and after we went home I ate clean and healthy allowing my body to heal well. I’m fine today, sometimes there’s pressure down there or I’ll pee when I laugh (which btw, is totally normal after having a baby).
We are currently in the talks of having one more child so Jaxx can have a sibling, and when we decide to do this, I will document my plus size pregnancy once again. Hoping for a healthy one this time around too.
Please let my story encourage you, and guide you. Don’t settle for a doctor who doesn’t respect you, leave all your fear behind and take care of yourself and that baby. Plus size doesn’t mean you can’t experience life xx